Mom vs. Mommy

I think it's official. I am now "Mom", instead of "Mommy". [sigh] I know this is typical almost-8-year-old behavior, so I should be happy my son is progressing normally, but it still took me completely off guard. Knocked me on my ass, is more accurate, actually.

I have been trying to mentally prepare for this day since he was itty-bitty, but apparently all that preparation effort has gotten me nowhere. He started toying with the terms "Mom" and "Dad" a few months ago, but it was sporadic. Now, since about three weeks ago, it's all he says. I'm so used to hearing his voice say "Mommy", that it almost takes me a second to process that it's MY kid saying "Mom" when we're out in public. Thankfully, my small pause before responding has gone unnoticed, and I've been given the time I need to process the fact that he's growing up each time he says it. This is what actually goes through my head when I hear him say it:

Z: "Mom?"
Me: ohmygodhe'sgrowingupsofast-isitreallytimeforthisalready?-whatisnext?-can'tthinkaboutthisnow-heneedssomething.

The strangest part about this transition from "Mommy" to "Mom" has been the general sense of anxiety I've been feeling ever since it started. For some reason, him calling me something other than "Mommy" triggers this weird panic in me that I'm losing him in this state of innocence. Like, all the bad things in the world are going to start to making sense to him & affecting him soon, and there's still so much I want to do with him, before he starts choosing time with his friends over time with me. He will be 8 soon, and I still stand in awe at how fast time has gone by. I still say to my husband or my parents "he's going to start second grade in August?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" on a pretty regular basis. I treasure every single time he asks me to play with him, or wants me to go outside with him even more than I treasured it before (which I didn't know was possible). Each time we plan a small weekend adventure or our next big vacation, I can't help but think about how I need to soak up every single second of it, because in a few short years, he'll start dreading these outings. He'll only be interested if a friend can come along, and hanging with his parents won't seem as fun or as cool as it used to. Hopefully not?

I'm at a clear disadvantage here, since I never had a second child. I don't have another kid around to soften the blow of the first one getting older. I don't have any of the gooey Mommy stuff on reserve to tap into when I'm feeling weirded out or melancholy. I'm sure a puppy will come in handy eventually, for the times I need to smother something with hugs & kisses, and it won't squirm away after the first few pecks. But, to be honest, I never wanted another kid - I just wanted Z. I don't miss having a baby around, I miss him being a baby. I would never want to start all over again with a whole new person, I just want to slow down time with the little person I already have. He's my one & only.

I know every parent goes through this, so I'm not the first & I surely won't be the last. I just don't know how to deal with it, is all. I'm usually comforted with pictures I take, or my collection of artwork he's made, but none of that is calming me anymore. I feel like I'm moving into unfamiliar territory, and I haven't quite figured out what to do with the unnerving twinge it gives me. I don't like that feeling of losing time. It makes me little frantic in my stomach, and makes me second-guess if I've done enough with him up to this point. I know I spend more time with my kid than a lot of parents get to spend with theirs, but is it ever really enough? Because he's growing up so fast, my mind can easily pick out the times I was short with him, or feeling pressured to get something done, and didn't take as much as time as I probably could have. I try to remind myself of the other 70,000 times I did put off laundry, cleaning, and my own interests so I could lay on the floor and play Legos, or chase him around the front yard. I'll keep trying to remember that, and try not to feel like I lost any time with him along the way. I have to, or else I'll get downright sad.

Interestingly enough, an email came through from a dear friend of mine, as I have been writing this. Her words were, "I can't believe how grown up Z is looking these days ... it's insane. He is so handsome! Make. Time. Stop." My thoughts, exactly.

Make. Time. Stop.

Soccer, Sea World & Strawberries

I hope time keeps going by as fast as it has been lately. That way, next summer will be here before I know it. Why do I want it to be next summer already, you ask? Well, as you can see from my updated cruise ticker (above), we finally solidified our sail date for Alaska. Boo-yah! June 10, 2011 is our next goal, and we are already excited! Room 4050 is waiting with our name on it, and we could not be happier! It'll be the same group going as on our last cruise - me, Aaron, Z, my parents, and Ken - and everyone is pumped and ready to go. Thankfully, we've come up with a list of mini-milestones so we have small goals to look forward to, like summer, back to school, football season, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year. (A Longhorn national championship game wouldn't be bad, either.) If we look at it this way, instead of the fact that it's 415 days away, I think the wait will be much easier to handle. I CAN'T WAIT!

Now, to update what the Lawson's have been up to lately. We had Z's soccer season officially begin two weekends ago, and it's going GREAT! He is loving it more than ever this year, and seems to be taking the game & his coach very seriously.

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He was worried a little before the season started, because this is the first year he's played by himself - meaning, knowing no one on the team. Both years of kinder soccer, he played on the same team as some friends in his pre-K class. We took a year off (ie - Mommy forgot to sign him up two different times during the year, and monumentally disappointed said child), then finally got him in for the start of this Spring season. Well, I knew he wouldn't have any problem making friends on the team, but I tried making him feel better by explaining that no one would know each other - he wasn't the only one. That seemed to help, and now, only after three practices & two games, he's made one or two new buddies.

(He's #3.)

The coach really seems to recognize his skill, and has made a few comments to me about it via email. After the first practice, he wrote me to say "Zach is really good, and an excellent listener." Suh-weet! This last email after Saturday's game was to all the parents, and said:

"We played a good game on Saturday and allowed one goal on many attempts. Everyone did an excellent job. Zach really got after it and was all over that ball. Thanks, Zach."

Well, needless to say, that made him feel pretty spectacular. He's super excited about practice tonight, and the upcoming game this weekend. Here are a few shots from his last two games.

"Good game, good game, good game ..."

We recently embarked on the big end-of-the-year school field trip last Wednesday. This year, instead of the San Antonio Zoo, it was Sea World - again, in San Antonio. (Can we find anything to do in town for 2nd grade?) I was one of about 50 chaperones, and it was a fun, but exhausting day. We rode on chartered buses to the park, which was nice because they were air-conditioned and equipped with a million tv's for the kids to watch, but even nicer because I didn't have to drive one of my own cars to San Antonio, like last year. I have to be honest & say up front, I generally don't like places like zoos, Sea World, circuses -- basically, anywhere that has wild animals on display or doing stupid tricks for our enjoyment. I am not vocal or obnoxious about this, and I know it's educational for the kids, but the hippie in me can't stand that we, as humans, do this. I was very conflicted doing the two dolphin excursions on the two cruises that I've been on, but was able to feel better after researching & finding out that the place they keep the dolphins treat them with respect & spoil them rotten. That being said, I tried to derive enjoyment from watching the kids see a killer whale, otters, sea lions, and penguins, all up close for the first time. The best part was watching the kids play with the dolphins - I guess I'm not the only huge fan of these amazing creatures.

The kids were allowed to climb up here to touch the dolphins, as long as they stayed on their bellies. They were THRILLED with this.




A friend of mine's son - she loved this photo!


Looks like she is laughing.


For twenty minutes, I stayed perched with my camera & ready to capture Z touching a dolphin. The micro-second I turned to answer another Mom talking to me, it happened. I heard Z yell "Mommy!!! DID YOU SEE?!" and snapped the camera on reflex. [sigh] At least I caught his initial ecstatic reaction, albeit blurry.


This poor fella was missing an eye, so the kids were extra loving on him.

The gang I hung with the whole day.

He had the right idea.

An adorable Asian Otter. No, he's not rabid, I just caught him mid-chew.

Where we saw the Shamu show.

In light of this recent article, I was just hoping & praying this whale wasn't in a pissy mood during the show. It all worked out.

This was cute.

This annoyed me, but I acted thrilled for the kids.

We've had quite a bit of rain lately, which Z has found quite entertaining.

Not that rain is newsworthy (unless it's mid-summer in Texas), but it's made for some muddy soccer fields, as well as some muddy strawberry fields. Yes, we finally took the drive out to Sweet Berry Farms and picked ourselves some little beauties. What a day!

Aaron, Z, my parents, & my sister picking in the mud.

Aaron on the right, Z way up top in the distance.

Z's berries.

My berries.

We were hoping to also pick blackberries, but they weren't quite ready yet. We'll get some of those on our next trip. While there, you can buy some of their tasty berry treats, including homemade ice cream (vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry), strawberry lemonade, strawberry popsicles, etc. Yum!

While on our drive out to the farm in Marble Falls, we saw a spectacular display of wildflowers, including the beloved bluebonnets. For the first time ever, I made my son sit in the bluebonnets and pose for me. I swore I'd never do this, because it's so cliche, and I hated doing it as a kid myself. BUT, he's just too cute to pass up, and the flowers looked gorgeous.

Since it just rained, the colors were so vibrant and alive. Greens were crazy green, the bluebonnets were electric violet, and the yellow wildflowers almost glowed in the dark. It was a great day, and I'm looking forward to our next trip back for the blackberries.

To wrap this up, I'm happy to fulfill many of your requests with another episode of "stuff on my cat".

Z's candy tin.

Then nail clippers.

Then Ken's business card.

Then one of Z's fun-size Crunch bars.

Then two more Crunch bars.

Then a dollar bill.

Then a tin can.

Then the tv remote.

Then the Wii controller, up by the tin can.

Then the lid to a Rubbermaid container.

And lastly, Z's clone trooper (bloody from marinade - see last post for details) Easter basket.

He looks real upset, doesn't he? He can barely keep his eyes open.

Three things I'm grateful for today:

1. Rain.

2. Sweet Berry Farms.

3. The jelly that comes from the berries we picked. (Thanks, Ma!)

Hope this blog finds everyone well. Peace & pastries to all. Until next time ...

Anthony & Easter

Seeing Anthony Bourdain in person again was flippin' amazing.

I guess I should preface this by saying I love him. Ok, that was probably the understatement of the century. Maybe saying I adore/idolize/want-a-piece of him would be more accurate. I have been a fan from the beginning, long before many people even knew who he was, before "No Reservations", when he was on the Food Network. I have to say, he solidified my love for him once again, this past Thursday night. He was hilarious, witty, potty-mouthed, and kept us interested from beginning to end talking about his travels, other cultures, meeting idiots like Sandra Lee, and ways to make your kid hate McDonald's. The theater was cool enough to allow photographs, so I did the best I could in the crappy lighting.

By far, the best shot of the night.

Holding a Shiner. [sigh]

The only part of the night we could have done without was when he opened up the room to questions. The guy sitting behind us seriously sounded like he might have a stroke if he didn't get to ask Tony his question. And the question turned out to be more like a comment, and a stupid one, at that. People come up with the dumbest things, and act as if they are asking the most profound, brilliant, mind-bending question ever. It's easy to get embarrassed for these people, since they clearly aren't embarrassed for themselves. See, I know my limitations and my uncanny ability to look like an idiot when given the opportunity to chat up someone I admire or I think is hot. That's why I don't even try. I am completely content listening to him talk about how much he loves Top Chef, just like me, and how much he hates certain Food Network personalities, just like me. It was such a great night, and to have Aaron there with me just made it that much better. I love that he loves some of the weird little things I do, like listening to the ramblings of middle-aged men who get off on food. Thanks for indulging me, honey.

Easter weekend was upon us right after our date night, and we hosted Easter at our house this year. On the menu, we had brisket basted in a raspberry chipotle sauce, kielbasa, potato salad, baked beans, and some strawberry shortcake for dessert. That meant a big trip to HEB for me, but what had to happen Saturday morning? Z had to wake up with a fever, of course!

Happy Easter 2010.

Aaron had to work all day Saturday, as well as close that night, so that meant I had to get creative figuring out how to get the food for our menu, and get the house ready for guests with a sick kid. Z gets very clingy when he's sick, so all he wants me to do is sit with him, or let him lay on me. That makes cleaning, shopping, and cooking a little hard to do. But, I just had to go with the flow, and make him feel better above all else, then fit the other stuff in when I could. It all worked out, I'm glad to say. We had to hurry up and color eggs before Daddy went to work Saturday morning, and Z was dead-set on making it happen, despite the fact that he had a fever of 102.5.

Some of our fun, pretty colors for the eggs.

Poor kid.

My favorite egg - Aaron made it for Z.

Keoki, wanting to be involved, but figuring out that he isn't facing the right way.

Ahhh, much better.

Easter Sunday, Z woke up with a fever still, but it was a little less than Saturday. He topped out around 101 this day, but remained in good spirits for everyone who came over. I asked him if he wanted us to tell everyone not to come, but he insisted Easter go on, because he wanted to see everyone. He even wanted to hunt eggs that morning, in the drizzle - bless his heart. That kid loves him some holidays. (I think he gets that from me.)

I can't get over how *old* he looks doing this this year!

Yeah, you can tell he's not feeling too good here.

He was thrilled with his basket from the Easter Bunny, but for the first time ever, said he didn't want any of the candy. That's when we knew he must be feeling crappy. After the easter egg hunt, Aaron got the brisket going in the rain.

As I mentioned before, he was going to be basting it with a raspberry chipotle sauce. In preparing his brisket, one of the bottles of sauce decided to explode when he opened it, so amidst cleaning my kitchen, this happened:

Aaron's holding the culprit, as pointed out by the arrow.

Even got on me.

Because we had already dealt with a sick kid, a rushed cleaning & cooking process due to the sick kid, and uncooperative weather, all we could do was laugh. It looked like someone had been slaughtered in our kitchen, it was EVERYWHERE. The good thing about having a boy? He loved that it got on his Clone Trooper basket. Said he thought it looked like someone had shot him in battle. Awesome.

Thankfully, Z's fever broke that night, and he was back to himself on Monday. Bad news? He's sick again today, but with allergies. The poor kid looked miserable when I picked him up from school, and just went downhill after that until bedtime. He was in bed and passed out by 8:00pm, and barely ate any dinner. I understand that though, because you do tend to lose your appetite when you're swallowing endless snot all day. Poor kid. Hope he gets back to 100% soon. :(

Three things I'm grateful for today:

1. Children's Motrin.

2. Easter.

3. Shout. (the stain remover)

Peace & pastries to all. Hope your Easter rocked!