I have found my calling, I think. I need to work for several different companies, restaurants, and websites as a human spellchecking consultant. "Spellcheck" is a nifty invention. I think these days, people have thrown it to the wayside, assuming their fancy computer will catch any glitch they make along the way. Computers indeed may be fancy these days, but you still have to tell them to check up on what you're writing or creating. They don't quite know yet how to do that on their own, so I'm thinking companies should start going back to clicking that small, yet very important button above their work. Since no one is obviously willing to do this anymore, not even giant corporations like Lego, that's where I would come in. I could hit the spellcheck button after I got done sifting through verbage, just in case I overlooked something. Then, they could pay me a bazillion dollars for making them look awe-inspiringly competent. Sounds fair, right?
Of course, when I stumble upon these masterpieces of spelling & grammar misery, I have to snap a picture. Thank goodness for cameras on cell phones - finally found a good use for them, other than sending dirty pictures to your significant other. Wait, what? Me? No, I would never ... let's just focus back on the subject at hand, shall we?
I'll start with one that's not as shocking. This was written by a college student applying to live at the place where I work. She was trying to tell us her source of income, and gave us this gem. (She meant her financial aid.) "Look Ma, I is a college student."
This was on the outside of a Lego Indiana Jones box at Target. It should say "Grail Guardian", but instead Lego made up their own word and wrote "Guradian".
This beauty was a cake made by the lovely bakery department at a local Wal-Mart. Those folks don't want you to have a happy birthday, so much as a happy birtday. Bert-day? Hmmm. Don't worry, I have already submitted this to Cake Wrecks.
Every Friday, my son and I go to McDonald's as a treat, after I pick him up from school. One afternoon, I happen to glance up at one of their tv's hanging in the dining room, and see that CNN lacks the ability to use the proper usage of "heals". Last time I checked, things are generally on the "heels" of something, which is different than the power to HEAL someone.
Browsing through Fry's and sadly learned that no one there ever heard the "i before e, except after c" rule. What exactly is a "peice", anyway? That didn't just look weird to someone? Anyone?
This one is completely baffling to me, not just because the way they spelled "professional" is the farthest thing from making them appear professional, but because this sign has been this way for at least 10 years. It's a dog groomer on the outside of my neighborhood, and I've driven past this sign & cringed for a decade. Thanks, Mel.
Driving past a local Burger King, and Zach spotted this one first. So, what exactly was the thought process on this one? "Well, I know it's supposed to say 'burgers', but I can't find the 'r' anywhere. Hmmm, what should I do? Eh, I think a 'p' looks a lot like an 'r', so I'll just use that." And no one else at the restaurant thought this was a big deal? Not even the manager? I guess the next time you're here, ask for the new Angus Bupger. If they look puzzled, simply point outside.
Another offense committed by Lego, but this time on their website. "Instructions are send to you in your mailbox." No, they're not. They'll be SENT to me in my mailbox. Is there no QC department anywhere? To use their own words, nicely done.
On the Royal Caribbean website, you can browse job openings. Yes, Aaron & I do this in our spare time, to give ourselves the illusion that we have exciting career prospects in our future - don't hate, just focus. Either way, to work for RC in this department, you simply need a bachelor's defree. What? A degree? Nah. A defree will do just fine.
There is an amazing local Italian restaurant here in Round Rock called Gino's. We swear their pizza is an exact replica of 6th street pizza (you old school Austinites know what I'm talking about!), so we frequent this place as much as our wallets and our asses can afford to do so. Recently, while picking out our pizza toppings, I noticed their list of ingredient choices, which included "pinapple". I actually am a fan of pineapple on pizza, but pinapple? Not so much.
Ok, this one almost doesn't count, because if you lined up 20 people & told them each to spell my name, 18 of them would get it wrong. But, I draw the line at someone putting a 'u' in my name. Fill-Us? That's what my name sounds like to someone?
This next one is a little special, because it is an equal-opportunity offender. They not only misspelled something on their menu, but they also repeated themselves, had a run-on sentence, capitalized words in the middle of a sentence, then threw in a misuse of quotations for good measure.
A brand new greasy spoon opened up near our neighborhood before Christmas, Aunt Julie's Country Kitchen. Her chicken fried steak is to die for, but the spelling on her menu? Not quite. Dining has one 'n', Aunt Julie. Not two. I'm sure the whole 'dinner' and 'diner' thing might be confusing, but they really are two totally different things.
Here's the paragraph I got this from, in it's entirety. In case you can't read it:
"We hope that your dinning experience today will be an enjoyable one. We will strive to give you the best possible service. Tell your friends about us! We know that starting in a new area is sometimes hectic and mistakes will be made, let me assure you that it was not on purpose! If you like our food, tell your friends about us. If we somehow failed you, ask the "Cashier" to give you my Cell Phone number and I'll jump on the situation right away!"
WAIT - BACK UP.
Did that guy seriously just offer up his personal cell phone number to any customer who finds any problem with his restaurant? From a customer service standpoint, that is absolute suicide! What are you thinking?! You will never forgive yourself for this, Dan! NEVER!
Here is the misuse of quotes. It's ok to call a cashier a cashier. They won't get offended, I promise. That's honestly what they want to be called. No, really.
Another misuse of quotations, on another menu. This time, it was Serranos. Why would you put quotes around "complete"? Is the entree not complete with everything listed? Put the quotes down Serranos, before someone gets hurt.
Then we always get the rent checks every month, with misused quotations around the letter in their apartment. Why people feel possessed to quote which bedroom letter they are, I will never know.
Here's another, but this one is only half-assed anyway. One quote on the left side, two quotes on the right. Please, make it stop.
I could literally post about fifty of those, but I'll spare everyone. You get the point.
As I have shown here, the depth to which stupidity runs is clearly endless. Think I have a shot at being a professional spelling/grammar checker? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
