The Barbie Skank line & SIX MORE DAYS!

"Oops, I did it again" ... hahaha. I'm sorry, I can't focus these days, not even on stuff I like doing - like blogging. Do you see the little cruise ticker up above this post?

*waiting for you to look*

Yes, you are reading it correctly - only SIX MORE DAYS until our cruise. We leave this Saturday for Galveston, then sail away on Sunday afternoon. Ahhhhhhhhh ... I can feel the wind in my hair and the sand on my toes already. It's been raining and cold here lately, so the Caribbean seems that much more appealing every day. Fun in the sun, here we come! But, while I try to get through the longest, most agonizing six days of my existence, I'll recap what's been going on with us since I posted mid-January.

First, my dog turned 13. I know, I can't believe it either. Not only is that pretty old for a dog, but we all thought his neurosis would have killed him off by now. Granted, he's mellowed out a lot in his older age, but those younger years were something else. For his special day, I made him some beef shank soup, and got him a big slice of white cake (no chocolate, no worries) and vanilla ice cream for dessert.

Me and my old man.

We also went to a few birthday parties, one at a bowling alley/arcade, and one at the Austin Children's Museum. Both were loads of fun - no, I mean it! Kid birthday parties seem to get more fun as the kids get older. The one at the bowling alley had black-light mini-golf, which kicked a *bunch* of ass:

To make it even better, they were playing all 80's music inside. Where was this stuff when we were kids?

Z on the left, with the birthday boy on the right.

The dynamic duo, once again.

Here's a pic from the children's museum party -

the birthday girl is behind Zach, giving him bunny ears.

During the past two weeks, my car finally hit 100,000 miles. Exciting, I guess? More scary, I think, especially since I bought it used & it's not paid off yet.

We did have a sobering episode take place over the past few weeks. My dear friend Amy, who's children appear in my blog often, had one of her newborn twins end up in the hospital. She woke to what she thought was her daughter having a seizure, and rushed her to the Dell Children's Hospital around 5:00am one morning. They ran every test they could on little 5-week old Ashley, inside and out. Luckily, all the tests came back clear, but a little nerve-wracking because Amy & Jim never got an explanation of what exactly went on with their daughter that night. After tons of tests and several nights in the hospital, they cleared Ashley to go home and just told Amy to keep an eye on her.

This was all quite terrifying, to say the least. Thankfully though, Ashley has had no other episodes since she was sent home, and all remains well at the Clark house. *whew!*

A few weeks ago, I got a call from Zach's teacher on my cell phone. Thankfully, it was just because she wanted to let me know she had chosen him to represent his first-grade class in the Catholic trivia game that was going to be held. It would be a competition between first, second, third, fourth, & fifth grade, and there was one person chosen from each class to compete. The rest of the student body from these classes would be sitting in front of them, watching. Way to go, little buddy! He told me had butterflies in his stomach about being chosen, but was excited as well. The morning of the competition, Aaron asked him if he was nervous about being up in front of all those kids, and he said no. He's always loved having an audience.

The whole panel of kids being quizzed, minus two.

I accidentally cut them off, on the right side of the pic.

Notice my son, on the far left, hamming it up while the

rest of the kids sit quietly, waiting to begin. Uh-oh.

As the kids were quizzed, they retained their spot on the panel if they got the answer right. If they got their answer wrong, they had to leave the panel and go sit in the crowd with their class. There were 11 kids total, in the beginning.

Making the other 1st grader laugh.

He wasn't lying - he clearly wasn't nervous.

Look at that body language - you'd never know

he was about to be put on the spot in front of

a hundred or so of his peers.

Secrets, secrets.

Who knows what they're talking about here.

It was probably something gross.

Oops! I was spotted - waaaaaaay in the back.

(Hence the reason my pics are a tad blurry. My

camera was zooming it's little heart out.)

Being asked a question.

And then there were six ...

And then there were five ...

Awww, bummer. Got one wrong.

He had a huge, heart-warming reception

from his classmates on his way back to his seat.

He was pretty pissed once he got eliminated,

but got over it pretty quickly, as you can see here.

Better luck next year!

Sticking with the school theme, I have to share two things that came home with my son recently. The first, a quiz question he got wrong:

My son thinks toys are more important than food. He admitted later that he knew that wasn't the right answer, but thought it'd be funny to put. So essentially, he threw his quiz and got a 91, all for a laugh. I tried not to laugh about this, but failed miserably.

Next, this was a series of three worksheets he had to do in class, as part of a group. I don't know if he got bored along the way, or if he just really wanted to illustrate his assignment, but here's what I saw when I pulled it out of his folder:

Laser-eyed chickens.

I'm grateful that his teacher recognizes his goofball quality, yet doesn't penalize him for it. He got a 100 on this assignment, despite the laser-eyed chickens. Though I laughed again, I also realized we may have to have a chat down the line about the appropriate time to make jokes. (I'm still chuckling, though. I'm so glad he's got a sense of humor.)

Since that sums up what has been keeping us occupied the past few weeks, I'll move on now to something I stumbled up on in our local Target last weekend. Was I alarmed? Oh yes. Horrified? You bet!

Meandering down the toy aisles, this sign happened to catch my eye:

I saw this and immediately thought, "wtf?? Why on earth do little girls need to be told about the 'little black dress'?" Then I looked at the new Barbie line underneath this sign, and could not believe what I saw.

Here's the slut-skirt length.

Bend over once to pick up something you dropped

and give the world a show. Take note, little ladies!

This one will make you popular with the guys!

Don't like to show off your crotch? Try this look instead!

The deep v-neck dress, with no bra. Yes, let it all hang out

ladies - boys like that.

Small dress not getting you enough attention?

Don't forget to starve yourself! Look at MY thighs -

like two #2 pencils! Awesome, right? I know, your

legs probably don't look like this now, but if you

just start skipping a few meals, they'll slim down

in no time. And don't forget to fluff your hair as

big as possible, it'll only help you look more emaciated.

And, here was the kicker:

The show-it-all implant look.

Enough said.

NO, your eyes do not deceive you, people.

This is bonafide Barbie CLEAVAGE, marketed to

young girls in elementary school.

Oh, I almost forgot -- they also sell trampy

accessories. Tons of spiked heeled shoes,

purses with bling, and gaudy belts to put

over the almost non-existent pieces of fabric

they call dresses.

I was seriously stunned looking at this stuff on the shelf. Any Mother who would buy their daughter these hussy Barbie's is a moron. Must we continue sexualizing our kids, especially our girls, at such a young age?? It wasn't bad enough that Barbie was perfect, blond, and had every material thing any human could ever want? Now, they have to make her a skank? Shame on you, Mattel. Can't we wait till girls are at least in high school before we start putting the concept of the "little black dress" in their minds? Am I now considered a fogie and uber-old fashioned, because I think it's a bad idea to market cleavage to a little girl? So be it. Call me Queen Fogie, then.

I'll wrap things up with another episode of "stuff on my cat":

The top of a Lego case.

Then the Kleenex box.

Then my phone.

Then a Lego brochure.

Then the remote.

This will never, ever get old.

I don't know if I'll post again before we take off on our adventure (oh, who am I kidding? I know I won't!), so here's hoping everyone has a marvelous next few weeks! And don't let Valentine's Day get you down, if you're one of those people. It's a stupid, made-up holiday. For real, yo.

Three things I'm grateful for today:

1. Fireplaces.

2. Clorox disinfecting wipes.

3. OUR CRUISE!

Peace & pastries to all. Bon voyage!