I'm back -- yes, again!

Forgive me one and all ... since the last time I wrote, I've been canoodling with the thought of starting a new blog site. Yes,  I have spent a good 6 months researching new sites, toying with the idea of buying my own domain, coming up with some distinctive internet identity, blah blah blah. I did hate the thought of leaving this one behind, and I'm sure I could've figured out how to link the new one to this one (if I had enough patience to research that ... which is questionable), but I have felt so uninspired the last year or so, and I kept blaming that on my blog site.

How stupid is that?

I kept telling myself if I just kick-started a brand new shiny blog, all of my writing inspiration would come flooding back to me. I would EXCITED to write new entries on a pretty new site - I mean, who wouldn't be, right?! Squeaky clean, new and full of limitless possibility ... yeah, well, I know myself enough to know that's probably not true. And the fact remains I am simply uninspired overall - whether or not I'm blogging.

I have recently found myself kinda bored with my awesome life. Isn't that shitty and scary to say out loud? I also still fight off waves of feeling self-indulgent when writing a blog ... like I'm putting too much weight on the fact that anyone would want to read what I have to say. But, I have realized since getting off of Facebook in May 2013 that I am missed. I have had people reach out to me, asking why they can't see what's going on with me anymore, why I left the world of Facebook, and why I don't blog anymore. I have to admit, it was nice to hear I've been missed and that people do, in fact, give a crap about what I have to say. After the fifteenth or so inquiry on when I'm going to start writing on my blog again, I thought, maybe I should re-commit to doing this. If nothing else, it would get me back on track of being grateful for my awesome life instead of just shuffling through it, mildly bored and simply going through the motions. Only boring people get bored, and I am NOT a boring person. I know that much, for sure.

So, here we are.

The truth is, I have become slightly lost lately, since my kid has started growing up so fast. He doesn't need me quite as much as he used to, and his focus has shifted onto his hobbies and his friends (as they should) and less on being with me. He's about 45 minutes away from starting middle school, and I'm floundering a little on where I fit into that. We are still extremely close and I'm still involved in everything, and then some, but he's unbelievably independent for his tender age of 11. I've become more of a coach now than a hands-on teacher. It's exciting, albeit slightly frightening, because I get to see all of me and Aaron's hard work of raising him come into play, but there's no denying he wants to do things on his own to see if he can, and we are just here to navigate. Roles have shifted slightly in our household lately, as they do when little people start becoming little grown-up people, and it's left me with more time to myself - time I don't know what to do with, honestly. My entire life focus has been him, for over a decade, and of course, what was the only thing I seemingly wanted during those years? What does every Mom on planet Earth want? Yes - more time for me. Well, now that I've got it, I have no clue what to do with it. So, as I'm trying to figure that out, I realized - what a perfect time to get back in to writing. I need to refocus on what I'm grateful for. I need to challenge myself and shake things up a bit. Who knows what that means, exactly, but I'm willing to try and find out, and document things along the way.

It feels good to be back. And back with purpose and intent to do this regularly. I know I've vowed before to keep up my blog, but life did get in the way. And you know what? That's totally ok - I'm glad I was there to give myself fully and not miss out on a single thing. But as I find myself with more "me" time now than ever over the past 11 years, this will be a good outlet for creativity, thoughts, and ideas about new things I want to try for myself. Won't you join me?

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